Log 9

Ok, we’re in Lunar Orbit now, going at 1.022 km/s (whatever that means.) Luckily, our pilot didn’t screw up our orbit injection, slinging us past the Moon and into outer space.

That’s a tremendous relief down there in my diaper!

We’re going to make a few Lunar orbits while Mission Control and the robots complete all pre-descent checks and make sure we have a 99% chance to die on descent and not a full 100%. Hooray!

And here’s the Commander coming to get me into my seat inside the Moonder (Moon lander.)

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Hey man, quit pushing! As if the damn Commander couldn't just put me in the descent vehicle gently, it had to manhandle me every step of the way...

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Everything is go. Both robots are in position, we’re about to knock this lander loose from the spaceship and merrily crash down into the Moon.

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Separation complete.

F**k!

Commencing descent.

Double f**k!

For stress relief of all personnel…

Yeah, yeah - ‘relaxing music is recommended’ - we got you!

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Wow, the view out there is insane! There goes the backside end of our spaceship reducing to a tiny little thing in Lunar orbit. Hey junkheads, you see that? Aw, well, the robots are too busy scheming how to kill us best; let them be, I guess.

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Getting close now. I can clearly see the features down on the surface. There! Picked a spot for my grave, the best for miles around. Should become a major tourist attraction in a few decades.

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touchdown in… 10…9…8… 

Think I just heard Commander A.S.S. say ‘neves’. Guess, even robots are losing their ‘neves’ right now.

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Who’s down for another round?! I feel invincible right now! Totally off the rails! I feel so awesome, this Moon barely has enough escape velocity to keep my awesomeness from escaping into outer space! 

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They're getting me into my EVA suit. We’re leaving the descent can and going out in a few minutes. Might have some time to screw around on the Moon before the apes from the Lunar base come pick us up.

It’s been one hell of a journey! Sure, they don’t have nothing I could fancy peeing on around here, but wait until they take me inside their Base! 

Anyway, here comes my first step on the Moon!