Log 7

Yep, we’re screwed! Mission Control just announced we were on the final day of our transit to the Moon, before adding, “Mission will proceed as planned.” Let me translate that - we’re actually going to do the landing part!

Seriously? Who’s gonna pilot us down? Certainly not our Pilot The Witless: the damn thing couldn’t locate its brains in two days and you still need those to fly moon landers, trust me. The day dogs start piloting spaceships will be the day humans will become downright useless to us (that day is coming, just not yet.) That leaves the only option remaining - Commander A.S.S...

I’d rather be on a suicide mission headed inside Uranus.

Log updated —

You know the one thing I hated most from my astronaut training days was the food. It literally tasted like [data removed]! And trust me, I wouldn’t be making that kind of comparison if I didn’t know what I’m talking about (you never heard of dogs doing that?) Anyway, you’d think being the first dog ever to be sent to the Moon would deserve some fine meals, but no! Those pesky vets were so hell-bent on keeping my blood pressure up to snuff, they’d literally count every ounce of chow I ate. Look, I got all of my teeth, a stinky dog breath, my coat is the definition of glossy - keep those thermometers outta my butt! I’m in prime health!

Log updated —

Did you know it literally rains diamonds inside Uranus? I say, let’s go get all those gems out! One hell of a slogan for a business startup too!

“Delivering gems straight from Uranus!”

Log updated —

Happy times! Our pilot just came online, and not a moment too soon! Now there’s not just one lousy, low-budget robot trying to kill us - there’s an entire duo! Every astronaut should be so lucky. On the other hand, I’m kind of glad our pilot will be doing the piloting. That’s what it’s here for, after all. It’s the quality of said piloting that raises some red flags in my head. If by definition this entire time our Commander has been ‘commanding’ this mission - floating all over, whacking its head, crowding me, getting caught on things and generally being a babbling electronic idiot - then I shudder to imagine what sort of “piloting” the other robot has in store for us.

I guess we’ll find out in due time.

Log updated —

Can I hijack this ship and fly it to Uranus? I hear it rains diamonds in there.

Ok, no more Uranus jokes.